Civilized peoples of the world talk 

tactics and strategies 

ideas and ideologies, 

principles and personalities 

parties and platforms 

philosophies and filibustering 

prophesies and pontifications 

in their political discourse, 

but savages like us Somalis talk 

dirt garbage & the trash of tribalism 

whenever we engage in how we ought to govern ourselves. 

In my last piece posted in both Balcad and Banadir, (entitled, The Phenomenon Called Al-hajji Mudane Muse Soodi Yellahow)

 apparently I have stepped on Darod toes. 

I did so deliberately. 

I was running an experiment: 

I wanted to see what would happen if I repeated and aired publicly 

some heinous Abgal trashy ideas 

regarding the Darod 

that the Abgal whisper behind closed secure doors 

among the already converted and convinced bigots and bores of the Abgal. 

I did not have to wait long

before the Darod began 

to shoot back 

to fire back 

from the lip 

from the hip 

from the hoof 

from the roof 

from the belt 

below the belt 

fast and furiously, 

round after round 

salvo after withering salvoes! 

Another reason 

which compelled me to commit 

the ugly unctuous and gratuitous gaffes I had,

striking such 

strange & rich 

graceless & strident & disharmonious notes

resonant of 

redolent of 

the vicious Darod-Hawiye civil war, 

is that I got tired of my friends 

chiding& teasing me all the time 

about how I treat the Darod devils with kid gloves 

while I constantly and mercilessly bash 

the Hawiye and the Eedor dunces 

in my oeuvre. 

Apparently, 

I knew the right Darod buttons to push;

apparently, 

I treaded on some really still sore tender Darod wounds. 

The reactions, 

the responses, 

the retorts, 

the ripostes 

I had received 

which I had evoked 

which I had invoked 

which I had provoked 

which I had elicited 

from the Darod are indeed very revealing. 

The Darod black cat is out of the bag! 

Now we all know what the Darod really think of us, the Abgal. 

Here is the lowdown on the Abgal from the Darod! 

The following reverberating thunderclap 

by one who styles himself as 

“caaqil” and “Dr Nasir” 

is typical of the shells & the missiles 

that had burst upon my Abgal bald pate 

from the Darod arsenal!: 

mr togane 

i would have given you an answer if you were at least HABARGIDIR but the fact that you are abgal, you are not more than a donkey and remember if we want have a deal with Hawiye we will talk to SA'AD only, after all you are their property why should i bother wasting my time talking to donkey while i can talk to it's master 

the simple fact is that you are not cutt out to rule, but to be ruled, you don't have the genetic make up that it takes for one to lead, like it or not that is the fact about the abgal and i am sure you know it deep inside but you just wanna make noises like the donkey which you share the same mentality 

cad haduu carada kaaga dhaco 

amase ciidoobo 

caqli nimuu kuwaynyahay macuno calafka qaarkiiye 

maxaan caalahaa kala hadlaa caaqil baan ahaye.

What is this Darod Caaqil 

this Darod Doctor 

trying to teach us about my clan, the Abgal?

First and foremost, that the donkey is the tribal totem of the Abgal; 

that therefore, the Abgal are as stupid as the donkeys that they rear. 

Which reminds me of this story: 

During the heat of the mother of all battles between the Abgal and the Habar Gidir, 

A Habar Gidir Moriyan 

in a Mad-Max battlewagon 

sidled up to an Abgal donkey driver 

all the while addressing the donkey thus:

“Waryaa, Ali Mahdi, get out of Aideed’s way!”

The Habar Gidir qat-chomping crazy Il-jex kept on haranguing the donkey. 

“Waryaa, Ali Mahdi, get out of Aideed’s way!”

Finally, 

in exasperation, 

the patient Abgal donkey driver declaimed:

“Please, don’t tire yourself, 

you are talking to the wrong donkey: 

this donkey is not Ali Mahdi; 

this donkey is Aideed! 

And Aideed is not only Gar-deed (one who refuses and denies and is deaf to the cries of Justice) 

but also Ilaah-deed (one who refuses and denies and is deaf to the existence of Allah!)

The only thing this donkey Aideed hears and respects is bullets whistling & whispering the dawn of his death!

” Four years later, an Abgal death-rattling rude bullet booted Aideed out of this world and into the presence of Allah who consigned Aideed to the place of honor in Hell, 

in Jahannama, 

that Aideed so diligently worked for, 

that Aideed so richly deserved! 

The other Somali civil war incident that this Darod Caaqil, 

that this Darod Doctor reminds me goes like this: 

A Jarayr or 

Muqshabayl or 

Addoan or 

Madaxsabool 

who was busy working on 

fixing 

oiling 

the weapons of mass destruction for Aideed and for his Habar Kintir Moriyaan was asked: 

“Hey, why are you aiding and abetting the Habar Gidir to butcher the Abgal? 

Don’t you know that you have more affinities with the Abgal than the nomadic mad Il-jex?”

The nigger-slave or 

the Abd answered: 

“You got to be crazy: 

if Ali Mahdi and his Abgal donkeys become rulers, 

who indeed shall be ruled & 

used & 

abused & 

misused & 

manhandled & 

mismanaged!?” 

Why this universal contempt for my clan, the Abgal? 

How did we, the Abgal, earn this universal Somali contempt? 

How do the enemies of the Abgal justify their contempt for the Abgal 

How do they rationalize away their contempt for the Abgal? 

During the Darod MOD tyranny & terror of Somalia, 

I’d often hear this catechism: Question: 

How would you know that Jaale Siyaad the Darod Fiend had finally overcome clan favoritism and created equality in Somalia? 

Answer: 

When we would see an Isaaq volunteer guulwade (victory pioneer): 

an earnest Issaaq supporter of the Darod MOD tyranny & terror, 

an Abgal ambassador and 

an unemployed Marehan. 

The reason that my clan, the Abgal, were held in universal Somali contempt 

was that 

because 

we believed the Darod when they had solemnly sworn to us 

that we were all Moslem brothers and Somalis.

That is why the Abgal 

and the late 

and the lamented 

Siad Togane 

declared, 

“Cawada Jaw Abgal!” 

Only tonight am I Abgal! And never again! 

He deigned affiliate himself with the Abgal, his clan, 

only for one single night 

under duress, 

under the torture of the Italian fascists, 

risking all, 

risking life & limb 

holding tenaciously unto death 

the honor & the dignity of his identity as a Somali! 

What did that finally get him 

but 

a Darod dictatorship and 

a Hutu Hawiye holocaust! 

He was the only Somali 

in a savage sea of deceiving Darods & their Hawiye dupes! 

You see, 

our enemies hold us Abgal in universal contempt 

because 

it is the silly habit of Somalis 

to mistake Abgal goodness, 

to mistake Abgal accommodating welcoming kindness 

for weakness & stupidity. 

Never again! 

Now that we have Nin Belaaya 

( a man of disaster! 

A bringer of disaster! 

Al-hajji Mudane Musse Soodi Yellahow) 

like every crazy Somali clan, 

we, the Abgal, 

are feared now, 

are respected now 

are courted ardently now 

by the Il-jex 

by the Jaaji! 

Dear Darod Caaqil 

Dear Darod Doctor Nasir 

You had instructed us 

that the tribal totem of my clan, the Abgal, is the stupid Abgal donkey, 

but you had forgotten to tell us what the tribal totem of the Darod is; 

pray let me tell you: 

it is the hermaphrodite hyena! 

For when the Darod is supine 

in abject defeat, 

she gives you 

sweet pussy! 

sweet booty! 

But when the Darod is ascendant 

in triumph, 

he clobbers you with his big prick! 

Or 

To change the analogy: 

the tribal totem of the Darod is the chameleon

which is capable of only two ruses! 

two disguises! 

One: 

When the Darod is in abject defeat, 

he sports a long rosary, 

true ornament by which we know a holy Somali Sheikh, 

pretending to be a divine deep in his devotion

(who has no use for this world!) 

only to hide his naked villainy, 

seeming a saint Sufi 

when most he plays the Darod devil! 

But When the Darod is ascendant 

in triumph, 

he exposes his long Darod dong 

ready and raring 

to sink it 

to bury it 

to drown it 

deep in every sassy saucy Somali seal cunt five fathom full! 

Now that the Darod know 

what we, the Abgal, think of them 

and vice versa, 

I have no doubt 

that this peculiar knowledge 

will lead 

to understanding 

to truth 

to peace 

to bashbash 

to barwaaqo 

For there cannot be a lasting peace without

 some harsh airing of the truth. 

Let the healing begin! 

I am done with bashing in the brain of the Darod! 

For their forbearing indulgence 

I thank all my Darod 

Brothers 

Sisters 

Friends 

Affines 

Agnates 

Cognates 

Bearing always in mind 

That Somali dictum 

That whenever the Darod eat dung 

The rest of the Somali nation will feast on feces! 

And that, sadly, is what is happening right now!

Mahamud Siad Togane