The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing.

—Isaiah Berlin

The Wa-esle Walrus said:

The time has come

To talk of many things:

Of Shoes & Ships

Of Shit & Shinola

Of Seal & Goose (Somali pun intended)

Of how the Birds & the Bees do it too

Of why the Somali Bird farted before she made tea

Of Juju & his Jumping Jesus

Of Jinnees & Jews

Of Dumdum Dubya alias Bush & his abject defeat in Baghdad

Of how one dead Yankee a day in Baghdad

Keeps the doctor away in Paris

Of hot dogs & the bully boys who beat their meat

Of how French fries became Yankee Freedom fries

Of Imamu Amiri Baraka  & his poem on 9-11

Of why

Somebody Blew Up America

Of why Mumia is still languishing in an American jail

Of how the American foreign policy is about

How to make enemies & Piss off everybody in the world

Of how Uncle is the Pansy-boy of Israel

Of how the American government is

An Israeli-occupied territory

Of how Shaytan Sharon is the Ventriloquist

&

Dubya his Dumdum Damean Dummy

Of how Nuruddin Farah believes

That Donkey Dynasty Abgal orature is dull & inferior to Ogaden orature

Of how I am sure this computer of mine was manufactured

By a dirty Darod like Nuruddin Farah

Because

It never heard of the Hawiye

Of how every time I type Hawiye

It instructs me that

Hawiye is neither Fish nor Fowl

Of how it corrects me automatically

Of how it coerces me into heading to Hawaii

Instead of to Hawiyeland

Where hurt, headache, humiliation & heartache harbor their ships 

Of how & why we Somalis lack

“Unity of the Spirit in the bonds of Peace”

Because

We are Munafaqeen & not Moslems

Of how George Bush

Alias Dumdum Damean Dubya

Really believes

That Fettuccine Alfredo is the Prime Minister of Italy

Of how Dubya never knew that there were blacks in Brazil

Of why we Somalis prefer America to Mecca

Of Cabbages & Kings

Of Monarchs & the Macavity Majerten

Of why the Darod are the only Narod

Of how the Somali nation is feasting now on feces

Because

The Darod had dined on dung

Of how you never see the grave of the Darod

Or

The hospitality of the Horrible Hottentot Hawiye

Of Darod & their Donkeys

Of Hogs, Hogwash & Hawiye

Of Habar-Too-Trigger-Happy & Habar-Always-Too-Dummkopf

Of Maxims & their Mindless Somalis

Of Faqash & Fatude

Of Camels & their Crazy Clans

Of Jaale Jelle or Jidka

Of the Somali politician Sharmoot & how he got into that Shape

Of am I crazy

Or

Do I really hear them singing right now in Aden

Of why everything evil belongs to Eve

Of Kenya & Kikuyu

Of Meles & his Merciless Mendacity

Of Ethiopia & Eyeless Selfish Somali SOBs

Of how Somalia has only Allah & women

&

No men with Cojones

Of how a Somali politician-cum-mortician is really

“An Arse upon which everyone has sat except a man”

Of why Somalis are

Such saps

Such sots

Such snots

Such sobs

Such slobs

Such slops

Such fools

Such tools

Of any clannish wannabe Warlock

Of Hutu Hawiye & their Marauding Moriyan

Of Osman Atto & how got to be so big for his boots

Of the Qurunle called Qanyare

Of Mohog & Mogadishu

Of Mog & how it became such a Hapless Hirab Hellish Morgue

 Of Hawiye & how they turned Mog into a hell called Hawiyah

Of the Turtle & the lessons he Taught us silly Somalis

Of Somali Pigs & why they have Wings like Bats

Of Afwayne & his Zombies

Of how Afwayne muzzled all the big mouths of the North

Of how Afwayne also muzzled & pinioned all the big pricks of the South

Of Afwayne & how he is still running this endless Somali horror show from his Grave

Of why the Iidor are so eager to fly the Somali Chicken Coop

&

Kamikaze into a Cul-de-sac

Of why we silly Somalis can’t get our Shit together

Of why the Somali Seas are so boiling hot

Of why we Somalis are the Dumbest Dumdum Dud Damean on the face of the earth

&

Of how the Fox is a mortician pretending to be a politician

Of how the Fox knows many a thing

&

The Hedgehog knows only one big thing

But right now

We don’t have the time

We don’t have the tide

To talk about all that

We only have time to talk about the Fox & the Hedgehog

The Fox knows many things:

The Fox pretends to know how to perambulate like the Prophet

The Fox knows how to Apartheid silly Somalis into Dir Darod Dayuus Doqon

The Fox knows how to make Muhammad Murder Mahamud

The Fox knows how to set one Somali against another Somali

The Fox knows how to make Somali brothers bludgeon & butcher each other

The Fox knows how to make us silly Somalis Succumb

To her Seal

To her Seven Deadly Charms

To her seven deadly Somali Beatitudes

To her seven deadly Somali attitudes of Fatude & Fakery

To her Seven Deadly Sins

Of

Qabeel Qore Qaad Qamro Qurun Qaylo Qalalaasso

The Fox is Ali Baba Galayr & his Forty thieves

The Fox is now trying to open a bank for Somalis in North America

Who in their right mind

Will put their money

In a bank run by Foxy Ali Baba Galayr & his forty thieves?

The Fox is Ina Sicko Psycho Sad Sack Soiled Salad Boy & his Bum-boys

The Fox is fond of foreign travel

The Fox loves everything foreign

The fox believes

“Foreign farts are more fragrant than Somali farts.”

The Fox has now been in Kenya for many moons

Pretending to be

A sophisticated savvy world class rainmaker

Trying to sew together  

A Somali nation-state

That is going to be

The Running Dog of Ethiopia

The Catamite of Ethiopia

The Condom of Ethiopia

The Clown of Ethiopia

The Client of Ethiopia

The Fox is always busy pretending

In foreign capitals

To sew shoes for the barefoot Somali nation

While actually sewing the Shroud of the Somali nation

The Fox has always occupied

The commanding heights of Somali society

Where she always wined

Where she always dined

On the dewlaps of our dumdum damean Somali EWE nation

So

The Fox is an expert in Tricknology

The Fox knows

How to trick Somalis

How to torture Somalis

How to terrorize Somalis

How tyrannize Somalis

How to beguile Somalis

How to guy Somalis

How to make fools out of Somalis

How to hoodwink Somalis

How to bamboozle Somalis

How to bedazzle Somalis

With her Bullshit

With her Bushwa

Because

Somalis don’t know the difference

Between Shit & Shinola

The Fox always knows Somalis will fall for ANYTHING

Because

Somalis stand

For NOTHING

For Qabeel Qore Qaad Qamro Qurun Qaylo Qalalaasso 

Now

Who is the Hedgehog?

The Hedgehog is the always suffering poor Somali folks

What is the one big thing that

The Hedgehog knows

The Hedgehog knows that

Lord willing

One of these days

That old crazy cunning clannish Fox

Will be discovered

Dead in her den

Just skin & bones

In the very same den

Where she used to while away her time

Where she used to entertain her MOD cronies

Where she used to wine

Where she used to dine

On the fat dewlaps of our EWE Somali nation.

-------Mahamud Siad Togane