3^rd Fisherman: I marvel at how the fishes live in the sea.

1^st Fisherman: Why, as men do a-land;

the great ones eat up the little ones.

                                                               —Shakespeare’s 

Pericles

As we sail through

 our Somali Seas of Sordidness

our Somali Slough of Despond

with battalions of sorrow

with our wounded Somali Spirit

sagging

with many a sigh

with no  relief in sight

 we can’t help but encounter

this pretty kettle of Somali fish                    

we can’t help but encounter

countless kinds of

comical

clannish

foolish fish

that make us guffaw with laughter

to keep us from weeping all the time

like fish out of water.

I

Mud fish sling dirt

on other fish

in order to keep themselves clean

the Issaq

alias

the Iidoar

are mud fish

for they are the most clannish queer fish

who claim to eat no fish

who yell at fish eaters

“Speak not to me with that mouth

which eateth fish!”

who are still fugly fish

for they go around the world

with plenty of other fish to fry

for they are always loose fish

 who always drink like fish

who always tipple in the deep

who always chew jaad in the dark dens of the deep

who always gerish geisha mermaids of the deep

who always swear to be British

who always swear to be the long lost orphans

of the English Queen

the Issaq

alias

the Iidoar

are mud fish

for they always go around the world

with plenty of other fish to fry

for they are always loose fish

who let loose                   

on every Somali Klan

who dump

on every  Somali Klan                            

who sling dirt

on every Somali Klan

in order to keep themselves clean                           

badmouthing the South

boasting

look

how great we are

how superior we are

to the rest of the Somali nation

boasting

look

how fine we are

look

how foul

how fucked-up

how foolish the Faqash of the silly South are.

II

Guppies are insecure frightened fish

with mighty mouths

always in motion

always on guard

always on the move

always on the make

Guppies are always being gobbled up by bigger fish

All the clans

that are always deemed minorities

that are always regarded

as risible minorities

as visible minorities

that are always designated as Gûn

that are always classified as coons

that are always fingered as small fry

that are always given the finger

that are always given the short end of the shitty clannish stick

that are always given short shrift

that are always given the bum’s rush

that are always crucified as cunts

that are always neutered as niggers

are doggone gûn guppies.

III

Barracuda fish

are the most selfish fish

for they

always knock you upside the head

always knock you out of the way

always get in your way

always never go away

always are in your face

the Hawiye

are balayo barracuda baraculo fanculo fish

for Allah created the Hawiye

the maddest of all mankind

(O Hawiye 

whenever I hear our nasty name

I share in its shame)

IV

Eels are sneaky snaky fish

they slither on their bare bellies like snakes

they eat the leftovers of the lion fish

they have nothing

they do nothing

they are nothing

they are hell-bent

on greed

on graft

on getting

what you got

Dafle’s dedicated Dhulbahante devotees of dirty Darodism

Dafle’s diehard Dhulbahante defenders of dirty Darodism

Galayrd’s Dhulbahante Druids of the Yankee Dollar

are

slimy

slippery

slithery

sleazy

slicky

slinky

sneaky

snaky

icky 

eels.

V

 Crabs seesaw sides

Craps caper from side to side

Craps career from side to side

Craps careen from side to side

yesterday they straddled the fence

today they are on your side of the fence

tomorrow they are on the other side of the fence

Jalle Jelle’s Hawadle

Qurunle Qanyare’s Murasade

Irr-de’s lackeying lackadaisical Layl-kasse

are nothing but cunning crabs

these nincompoop namby-pamby nobodies

fancy themselves

believe themselves to be somebodies

but

these are the tools

these are the fools

these are the fall guys

these are the matante

these are the underwear

for any side

for one reason

for one season

that is why Yalahow Yahoo Haarow Haayow

declaimed

 “the Murusade are my matante

they are my underwear

I put them on when I want

And I put them off when I want.

VI

 Flounder are funny fish

that have both eyes on one side of their heads

they can only see things one way

they can only say things one way

they can only ride one hobbyhorse

they can only dance one dance

they can only sing

one song

one tune

one rune

one theme

they can only see

one rime

one reason

one season

they only know of

one time

one tide

one turn

the Rahanwayn are flounder

for all is fish that comes to their nest

but now

the Rahanwayn are

floundering

in Baydhabo

in the bog of

in the fog of

in the fatude of

in the fanfare of

in the faanfaan of

in the fanfaronade of

we are not smelly Somalis

we are Mai Mai!

O my!

We are not Mahaatire!

We are the world!

VII

Crayfish crawl backwards

Afwayne’s once mighty Marehan are crayfish

yesterday

yesteryear

they were

the Lords of all the Somali Horizons

today

they are ghettoized in Gedo

today

they are busy butchering each other

this is the Klan

whose best

whose brightest

Mahammad Sheikh Adan

once bragged

for the first decade

I & my Marehan Klan will rule Somalia

by might

by main

for the second decade

I & my Marehan Klan will rule Somalia

by looting the patrimony of the Somali race

to buy up the loyalty of key clannish cowards

for the third decade

I & my Marehan Klan will rule Somalia

by inaugurating                                                                   

by ushering in

the Somali Renaissance

the Somali Enlightenment

the Somali Millennium

  now this blowhard & his Marehan Klan

now this braggart & his Marehan Klan

are the main minions of the sad Salad Boy’s Ill-Jeh

are the main loyal lickspittles of sad Salad Boy’s Ill-Jeh Cosa Nostra.

VIII

Seahorses eat their own kind

Seahorses eat their own kids

all Somali Klans are seahorses

all Somalis feast upon their own kind

all Somalis eat their own kids

all Somalis make sure to foreclose

the future of their own kids

for we are all mad

for we are all mindless

for we are all myopic

for we all have

no vision

beyond our greedy guts

beyond our blind mouths

and where there is no vision

the people perish

no wonder

right now

right this minute

all of us Somalis

are perishing

are feeding fish called sea horses.

IX

Whales know only

how to blow hot air

out of the top of their empty heads

The Ogaden are whales 

who only know

how to blow hot air

out of the top of their empty heads

out of their own empty horns

The Ogaden are whales 

who only know

how to blow gaff to the Ethiopian enemy

how to blow gaff to the Kenyan enemy

The Ogaden have quantity

but

the Ogaden have no quality

yesterday

yesteryear

their muck-a-muck

their Lord Heehaw

their Nuruddin Farah

Their Neustadt Laureate

Their wannabe Nobel Laureate

Their wannabe Soyinka

led them astray

blowing hot air

blowing hot farts

out of the top of their empty heads

crying up

singing

a deafening tune

called

Guul Wado Siyyaad!

Now they are singing

another hit tune

another altogether different hit tune

called

Tol-bela-yay!

called

Woe is us Ogaden!

 X

Sharks attack all other fish

the Habar Gidir are sharks

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been attacked by the Habar Gidir

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been bloodied by the Habar Gidir

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been savaged by the Habar Gidir

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been sacked by the Habar Gidir

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been saddened by the Habar Gidir

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been hurt by the Habar Gidir

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been humiliated by the Habar Gidir

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been invaded by the Habar Gidir

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been pillaged by the Habar Gidir

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been raped by the Habar Gidir

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been rapined by the Habar Gidir

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been occupied by the Habar Gidir

for there is no Somali clan

that has not been colonized by the Habar Gidir

when the Habar Gidir can’t find a Somali Klan to kill

they turn upon each other

they eviscerate themselves

 no Somali clan can swim

peacefully

 in our own boiling brutal political Somali Seas

because of

the shifty-eyed shark Cains called Habar Gidir

This is the Habar Gidir KKK

who burned down these three pillars of

Truth

Peace

Justice

upon which our forefathers have founded the whole Somali nation

and then sold them as charcoal

to the Arabs in Dubai.

XI

Angel fish float around the dangerous Somali Seas

with no notion

with no clue

with no hint

with no idea

of what is going on

the Abgal are the angel fish of Somalia

for Allah created the Abgal

the most asinine of the Somali race

the Abgal are the angel fish

who have no idea of

the savagery of Somali clannish cutthroat politics where everybody is

either a floozy or a fizgig

whenever the Abgal get an idea

if they ever do at all

they get the wrong idea

and butcher each other

and make mincemeat of each other

if an alien enemy of the Abgal

espies an Abgal

wielding weapons of mass destruction

the alien enemy

does not fret

does not flee

does not fly

does not fidget

does not freak out

the alien enemy

does not lose his cool

does not lose his pose

does not lose his poise

the alien enemy

does not lose his clannish composure

he is never frightened

he is never hot & bothered

he never worries

for he knows

just like the Ali Baysten

just like the Red Indians

the asinine Abgal only know

how to butcher each other

how to scalp each other                                                        

how to slaughter each other

how to massacre each other

how to murder each other

how to maim each other

the awful Abgal believe only in killing the geniuses of their own clan

hence the Abgal axiom that affirms

if you are going to murder a fellow Abgal

make sure that you murder a fellow Abgal

so marvelous

so magnificent

so magnifico

so magnetic a personality

that the whole world will mourn him on the BBC

all the clans of Somalia

are killing each other now

are contending for power now

over this crucial question

who is going to subjugate the abject Abgal

who is going to rule the unruly Abgal

who is going to lord it over the abysmal Abgal

who are the angel fish of Somalia. 

 XII

Dogfish faithfully follow their so-called leaders

who are nothing but hirelings

who are nothing but whores

who are nothing but blind mouths

they faithfully follow them

even into the jaws of sharks

even into the jaws of Jahannama

even into the maws of doom

even into the maws of disaster

even into the maws of misery

every Somali

either

by omission

or

by commission

belongs to this dogfish Klan

dogfish have no sense to say

yes to Allah

yes to Truth

yes  to Peace

yes to Justice

dogfish just love

dead-enders

niman balaya

dogs of disaster

dogfish are always dogs of war

witness what is happening right now in Kenya where

our blind mouths

our dogfish damean dumdum Druids

our niman balaya

our clannish KKK dogs of disaster

are demonstrating to the whole world

how we are nothing but goddamn diehard dogfish.

XIII

Pilot fish are pragmatic pioneers

they are also visionary fish

they lead other fish

 to their happy hunting grounds

to their happy haunts

to their desired destinations

to their day of rendezvous with destiny

The Gadabursie

(May their tribe increase!)

are the brave pilot fish of Somalia

in Boramo

under the Tree of Wise Counsel

the Gadabursie mothered the mothers of the North

the Gadabursie are piloting the ill-mannered Iidoar

to peace

to bashbash

to barwaqo

the Gadabursie have decided to go global

whereas the Iidoar have decided

to go ghetto

to go it alone

to go haywire

to go UDI (Unilateral Declaration of Independence)

to go MIA (Missing In Action)

to go AWOL

to take French leave from sanity

If you have

an idea to advance

a project to promote

a mission to mould

a vision to forward

a passion to plant

a notion to nurse

a goal to sell

get a Gadabursie

as a guide

as a guru

as a go-to man

get a Gadabursie

to say it for you

to sell it for you

to tout it for you

the Gadabursie are so sophisticated

that they well say it in Hebrew

that they well sell it in Dutch

that they well say it in German

that they well sell it in Greek

that they well say it in English

wholly forgetting (and it vexes them very much)

that Somali is what you speak!

if you have a cause to espouse

get a Gadabursie

as your Spin Doctor

as your Spinmeister

get a Gadabursie

 to say it for you

to sell it for you

to tout it for you

for a Gadabursie will make your cause

sound sweeter than the song of the bulbul

for you won’t get

any guff

any gaffe

any gammon

from a Gadabursie

for the Gadabursie abound in PhDs

whereas the Abgal abound in asses

whereas the Habar Gidir abound in natural born killers

The Gadabursie eschew jaad & chew on knowledge

Whereas the Iidoar chew jaad & eschew knowledge 

The Gadabursie know

how to stand the Iidoar gaff

The Gadabursie progress

because they oppress nobody

whereas the Habar Gidir  regress

because they oppress everybody 

The Gadabursie

(May their tribe increase!)

are the brave pilot fish of Somalia

XIV

Then there are the salmon

they always swim upstream

no matter how far from home they swim

they never forget to come home

the salmon are the Macavity Majerten

their city Bossasso is

so beautiful

so peaceful

that it is home for all the clans of Somalia

Foxes have holes

birds have nests

Somalis have Majertinya

for Majertinya is

where Somali sons & daughters prophesy

Somali salvation

Somali greatness

Somali singleness of solidarity

for Majertinya is

where old men dream dreams

where young men see visions

of the unity of  the Somali Spirit

in the bonds of Peace

for the city of Bossasso is now the Boston of East Africa

for the city of Bossasso now is the beacon of light

beckoning

all beleaguered Somalis

all blighted Somalis

all benighted Somalis

all besieged Somalis

that is why I call the Majerten

the only gob of the Somali race

the only kings of the Somali race

the only aristocrats of the Somali race

the only Macavity aristo-cats of the Somali race

that is why I call the Majerten

the only custodians

of Somali honor

of Somali decency

of Somali dignity

of Somali integrity

that is why I call the Majerten

the only custodians of our Somali collective conscience

the only custodians of our collective Somali destiny

for they are

the quiddity of the Somali race

the quintessence of the Somali race

when Gerald Hanley testified that

 “Of all the races of Africa,

there cannot be one

better to live among than

the most difficult

the proudest

the bravest

the vainest

the most merciless

the friendliest

the Somalis”

I am certain

that he had meant the Macavity Majerten

among whom he had lived.

XV

Dear reader

If you have fished for your Klan

and can’t locate it in this our clannish funny fishiology

it simply signifies that your Klan is

neither fish

nor flesh

nor fowl

if you are fair

you can’t help but conclude

that in saying my say

 that I have traduced no tribe

 that I have caned no clan

that I have taken the cudgels to no clan

that I have made no clan run the gauntlet of any cruel course

if you are fair

you can’t help but conclude

that in saying my say

that I have spoken

of every Somali clan family

as they are

extenuating nothing

if you are fair

you can’t help but conclude

that in saying my say

that I have not made

flesh out of my own clan

and fish out of yours.

 by: Mohamud Siad Togane  kkk

yy togane@progression.net