If
the shoe fits
Wear
it!
—An
English proverb
Abdullahi
Yusuf
Alias
Ina
Yay
Enjoy
your brief honeymoon!
We
thank the Almighty
For
ending the long Somali Nightmare
From
which we Somalis seem to be waking up just now!
We
thank the Almighty
For
finally making you
Abdullahi
Yusuf Ahmed
The
Somali Darod Majerten Prince Charming
Our
Somali President.
It
was a long difficult rancorous birth
Of
Mugdi & Mudug
Of
Gloom & Doom
Of
Jalaf & Khalaf
Of
Tweedledum & Tweedledee
In
the territory of our beloved Kenyan enemy
Astride
over many a Somali grave
And
in Mogadishu
We
are waiting for you to come!
We
are waiting for Godot to come!
We
are waiting for God to come too!
I
am glad that Allah has blessed you
With
the moxie of the Macavity Majerten
With
a heavy dose of healthy sense of humour
With
which to encounter the crazy rabidity of Somali rumour!
We
have heard
How
you jived the Abgal Jackass
How
you joshed Al-Hajji Musse Soodi Yelahow
How
you made Qurunle Qanyare quake in his clannish corner
How
the Somali beautiful bride in Mogadishu meowed:
No
one shall be my bridegroom
But
He
whose foot this golden slipper fits.
Yesteryear
Yesterday
The
Hawiye Hirab Habar Gidir Klansman
The
Heir ‘Ayr Boy
Ina
Sad Salad Prozac Boy
Pretended
to be the Somali Prince Charming
And
forced his Bantu Hutu Hawiye peasant bloody fugly foot
Into
the golden slipper
But
two vigilant Ethiopian spies espied him
And
warned the Somali bride and the whole world:
Turn
and peep
Turn
and peep
There’s
blood within the shoe
The
shoe it is too small for the Hutu Hawiye helot Boy
The
true bridegroom waits for you.
And
the Somali bride rejected and ejected
The
dejected false fugly Kofi-dhoob wannabe pretend bridegroom!
Today
This
morning
In
front of the whole world
In
Nairobi Kenya
The
true Darod Majerten Prince Charming
Abdullahi
Yusuf
Alias
Ina
Yay
Slipped
his foot with ease into the golden slipper
And
behold!
How
it fits like a glove!
Snug
as a bug in a rug!
As
if he were born with his foot in the golden slipper!
And
Ethiopia and the whole world chortled in their joy:
Behold!
Ina
Yay
Abdullahi
Yusuf
Is
the true bridegroom!
The
Majerten Prince Charming from the Darod
Who
are the only true Somali Narod
Turn
and peep
Turn
and peep
No
blood is in the shoe
The
shoe is not too small for Ina Yay
The
true bridegroom is soon going to join
His
young blushing Somali nubile bride in Mogadishu!
Now
I
Abdullahi
Yusuf
Adjure
America and the whole world
To
put their money where their mouth is
To
give me now the biggest of bridal showers
To
give me now the billions pledged for the Somali bride
Before
my consummation
Of
this Somali Majerten Marriage
I
Adjure America and the whole world
To
shiver and quiver the American money tree
To
throw down Silver and gold all over me
So
I can shower presents on my new Somali bride
Who
has been waiting patiently
For
me
For
Godot
Forever!
Who
has been patiently waiting for me in Mogadishu
For
ages!
—In
the meantime…
Ina
Yay
Enjoy
your brief honeymoon!
Well,
happiness to your sheets!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
NOTES
Godot: Waiting
For Godot: A play by Samuel Becket that deals with the
absurdity born of the quest of man for meaning and the utter indifference of
the deafening silence of God. “The absurd can only
exist in the conflict between human reason and an irrational universe”. No
leap of faith can bridge the gap between woman’s earnest yearnings of the
heart and the cold silent universe in which she finds herself. The notion
between Being & Nada whose corollary is Kierkegaard's
maxim is: Credo quia absurdum est: I believe because it is absurd.
Kierkegaard defines faith as the "absolute relation to the
absolute". Waiting for the silent God; waiting in vain; waiting for
somebody that never bothers to shows up; a long and boring and useless and
interminable waiting for the Somali tortoise; just like the Somali people have
been waiting for a government for the last 14 years! Waiting for a pot to boil
forgetting that a watched poet never boils! Absurd waiting: “The
Absurdism is the root of which is a term used originally to describe a
violation of the rules of logic, has acquired a diverse and wide connotations
in modern theology, philosophy, and the arts, in which it expresses the
failure of traditional values to fulfil man's spiritual and emotional needs”
Happiness
to your sheets: From Shakespeare’s Othello.
Ina
Yay: (Somali) Son of the Jackal.
Jalaf
& Khalaf:
The
Charybdis &
Scylla of
Somali politics:
Charybdis is a black
hole of a whirlpool into which ships disappear forever. Scylla is a
monster that has six long necks and each head has three rows of teeth.
Odysseus or Ulysses sailed closer to Scylla and sacrificed six of his men but
saved his ship. The expression “to
be caught between Charybdis
&
Scylla”
is like to be caught between Jalaf & Khalaf, between Aideed & Ina Yay:
a conundrum out of which you just can’t con your way out of; the conundrum
in which Somalia is caught right now. Jalaf is the name of Aideed’s sept and
stands for all of the Habar Gidir and their Hawiye; Khalaf is the Majerten
counterpart sept and stands for all of the Majerten confederacy of Ina Yay .
Kofi-dhoob:
(Somali) A contemptuous term for the Habar Gidir.
Macavity:
See
Macavity: The Mystery Cat
by Thomas
Stearns Eliot.
Macavity,
Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
There
never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
Mudug:
The region of the badlands of
Somalia where all the Evil that has destroyed Somalia originates. The home of
the
author
of anarchy; one who excites revolt.
Imperial
anarchs doubling human woes.
The
Empire of Aideed & Abdullahi Yusuf where they are consummate connoisseurs
of Chaos; where they cultivate and cathect Bililiqsie: Rape &
Rapine & Razzia; the Empire of which Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
wrote:
Lo!
thy dread Empire, Chaos, is restored;
Light dies before thine uncreating word:
Thy hand, great Anarch, lets the curtain fall;
And universal darkness buries all.
Mugdi:
The great universal darkness of clannish Anarch’s Jahiliya:
Ignorance & Arrogance.
Narod:
(Russian) Folks; people.
